Battle of the Sexes: It was a Three-peat, folks!
On Friday, February 26th at approximately 7pm, an epic battle was waged for year-long bragging rights and an incredibly odd looking trophy. The war was masterfully planned, bravely fought, and ingeniously won… unless you’re a girl, like me, in which case it was bitterly lost. That’s right, for the third year in a row, the Axiom men, the Fonzies*, if you will, took home the gold! … Well, they kept the wooden bird(?) statue that looks more like the topper of a totem pole than a real trophy. And, yes, I do indeed know that I’m being a bit petty in my commentary, but like I said, the battle was bitterly lost; besides, read the title of this post, and take note of the occasional exclamation point associated with the men’s victory – I’m trying here, I really am… ish.
For those of you who were unable to be a part of this legendary event, below you will find evidence of the greatness that comes from pitting otherwise friendly, generous, and kind men and women against one another… I only wish I could offer you sound clips of the chants, the cheers, and the beautiful renditions of broadway songs that accompanied the competition (although you may in fact be able to hear some of them on Axiom’s YouTube channel). And for those of you lucky individuals who witnessed the magical three-peat victory (see guys, I really am trying!), I hope you too enjoy this walk down memory lane.**
*If you don’t get the Fonzie reference, I apologize, and I also encourage you to ask someone about the Fonzie/Sheila sermon series from a while back.
**Next year will be a different story. The girls will come back with a vengeance, boys, and we will beat you. Enjoy your victory while it lasts.
Picture this: it’s the first event of the night. We’ve just gotten back from dinner where the majority of us not only enjoyed delicious food, but also consumed some sort of caffeinated beverage. Combine that with the jittery energy of wanting to CRUSH your opponent, and the excitement of spending a night doing foolish things in front of your friends and a minister with a video camera. Now, enter the first challenge: hold this popsicle stick/tongue depressor in your mouth and stack five die on the end of it; you must hold this shaky tower of cubes for 3 seconds to come away victorious… yeah, it was intense.
Now, I’ll admit from here on out, the exact order of the events evades me, but that’s not really the important part anyway…
For this competition, you were made to stand next to your rival with a pedometer strapped to your forehead. At the signal, your one and only goal was to bang your head up and down faster, and thus “walk” farther, than your opponent for a full 60 seconds. I participated in one round of this event, and those 60 seconds felt like a lifetime! By the end of it, everyone who played was super dizzy, and just about ready to fall over, but it was hilarious and awesome – just check out the fantastic hair action here!
Also, as a note, not every event is pictured… there were a lot more battles than what this post leads you to believe.
I’m sure at one point or another, you’ve played the keep-the-balloon-off-the-ground game. But, I would venture to guess that you had only one balloon to keep track of, or if there were multiple balloons, there were also multiple players. At this year’s Battle, however, the balloon-to-person ratio was 3:1. If I remember correctly, you only had to keep the balloons (not filled with helium, btw) off the ground for 60 seconds, but once again, 60 seconds is a long time when the fate of your gender depends on your performance… note the concentration on their faces.
Axiom-ites are really, really cool… who else would agree to be filmed while doing stuff like this???
You’ve probably never tried this… or maybe you have; I guess I shouldn’t make assumptions… Anyway, for this challenge, you had to stack five chocolate-creme-filled snack cakes on our forehead with one hand, and balance them for three seconds. You were given one minute to complete the task, which was a good amount of time, but imagine leaning back and keeping perfectly still for a full 60 seconds; it’s like a prolonged wall-sit… only more upright, and with food on your face!
You are correct, sir/madam; in the picture below, that is indeed Rebekah, Battle of the Sexes 2011 emcee, dressed in an alligator suit. You simply cannot doubt our dedication.
Finally, all those times you sat in lecture, bored to tears, with nothing to entertain you but a trusty number two pencil with a surprisingly bouncy eraser on one end, pay off! Boo-yeah! The goal was this: bounce a pencil into each of the three glasses in 60 seconds. Thankfully, each competitor was allowed a pencil wrangler so that he/she didn’t have to frantically pick up the failed pencils on his/her own, but even so, this was not an easy task! Also, the action in this battle was so intense and fast paced that we didn’t get a clear shot of the boys until after they’d won this round…
By the way, that kind of intense celebration followed each and every round of each and every competition for both the men and the women. We take this VERY seriously.
In the red cup is a collection of m’ms (or maybe they were jelly beans, I’m not sure). The objective was to transport 10 of the colorful candies into the clear cup using only the straw (which you could not touch with anything other than your mouth). Before you freak out, we all used different straws, no worries. Also, this proved to be the most challenging event by far! I think we only had one person complete it in the alloted time; something about the surface area to suction ratio and stuff…
Just so you know, the girls were ahead for at least the first half of the night… Men, never forget that we almost had you!
This was the final game of the night: how fast can you empty a box of tissues using only one hand. Once again, you were alloted a helper – a tissue box holder – but while that prevented the box from moving around, it certainly did not stop discarded tissues from obscuring your vision and preventing you from getting a hold of the next one. Each picture from this event looks almost exactly the same, so I’m only gonna give you one, but take a moment to appreciate the looks on the faces of the crowd (even though they’re a little hard to see… all for one, and one for all! (Unless you’re on the other team, then you’re on your own.)
At the end of round three, it looked like it had snowed in the annex, which was ironic considering the absurd amount of snow on the ground outside at the time… remember the blizzard (and the snow day)… yeah, that was the same week.
And then the battle was over, and the war was won… by the men! Yay (if you could only hear the sarcasm in my voice)!! But, seriously, the guys took home yet another victory, solidifying their role as the current all-time champions of Axiom’s Battle of the Sexes! That’s right, they have won every. single. time. Ladies, I honestly don’t know what happened; we were so close for so long, and we had the energy, the strategy, and the desire! Next year… next year… next year is our year. And for those of you who have read through this post, laughed at my commentary, and yet feel as though I may be letting my bitterness get the best of me, take a good look at this picture. They talk smack too.
Battle of the Sexes 2011 may have been a three-peat, but it was certainly not an easy battle, nor was it a shut out. Fonzies, one day the Shelias will rise up, and you too will taste the bitterness of defeat! But, until then, I sincerely hope you enjoy yet another year of victory, the memory of which will warm your hearts next year (when the girls dominate).